Yesterday I had one of the scariest mornings of my life! I woke before sunrise, had great morning devotions, showered, dressed, and made my way for the door to leave. I was smiling and loving life, but that was about to end!
Happiness was sucked from my soul as Emily yelped from across the house, “Chuck, you need to come to the kids bathroom! Please hurry! The toilet is clogged!”
I snapped back to her in total fear and frustration, “Really?? Come on! Am I the only one in this house who knows how to unclog a toilet? No! Please, don’t make me do this!”
I nearly cried like a baby. I can’t describe to you how much a clogged toilet can scare the crap right out of me. (Pun intended)
But, like a good loving Father who is always there for his family, I headed for the plunger with love and sacrifice in every step.
Not really! Emily had ruined my perfect morning with her devious smirk, and the giggle that followed my initial reaction.
With plunger in hand, I walked toward the kids bathroom, slowing to a cautious halt as I came upon the crime scene.
I drew my last full breath from the hallway. My time was now limited to 60 seconds at most. I bent down and lifted the lid. Even in all of my mental preparedness, I was not ready for what I was about to witness!
The lid came up and there they were! Three brown demons wrapped in paper turbans! So intimidating they were, extra large and rock solid!
I gasped and groaned as Emily strutted past the bathroom door laughing here cruel and heartless self to tears.
No time to waste, I went to work! The water was lowered so much that I could not successfully navigate my plunger underneath the turds!
I told my wife I loved her and I whispered a prayer, “Dear God, this is the end of the line for me. Please forgive all my sins and welcome me into your kingdom.” I felt warmth in my heart, remembering my years of serving Him faithfully, and my million dollar life insurance policy.
Then, out of the heavens came a new courage, and I looked again and saw a way that I could win!
With plunger in one hand I reached for the flusher with my other hand.
As I flushed, Emily started to tell me how to do it from the hallway. She said, “Um, I wouldn’t flush that again until after you unclog it!”
I said, “Emily, hurry come all the way in here and watch me! Please, I might not be around forever, and I want you to learn how to do this! Look, I flushed so that the water would rise enough for me to get the plunger underneath those nasty little guys. Then I can plunge in the clear water and be able to walk away from the scene with the least amount of clean up!”
I think she was impressed at my plunging skills for only being 38 years old! It worked, and I saved the day for sure.
Now, I want to shout out to my son’s friend, Joel Gunn! He was the pooper!
Joel is now indebted to me for the rest of his life. Hopefully, one day I will have my revenge at his future house, and on his future toilet! And what a glorious day that will be.
There are lessons to be learned here.
My advice to everyone is this: Flush after every three wipes and eat plenty of fiber so that none of you ever have to face a stand off like this in your peaceful homes! A few more tips on personal hygiene: Brush your teeth a few times a day and use soap when you shower!