Happy Tuesday!

I’m speaking to a group of teens and young adults tonight in Kentucky… have this feeling like I’m going to make a VERY BIG difference… eyes watering, butterflies rising in my spiritual gut… I’m praying right now, that tonight’s event will be all its supposed to be and SO MUCH MORE! The title of my message: “Wake me up Inside!”

Last night, I woke up with really bad chest pains… laid in bed thinking about my life for more than an hour. I actually cried for a few minutes… wondering if I were to die right then, how many people would KNOW how much I really loved them. I woke up Emily and told her about this burden… I explained how much pain I was feeling in that moment, knowing that there are so many people out there who HATE ME… and all I ever wanted to do was LOVE them and BLESS them… I loved to see them SMILE… I LOVED their children… I LOVED to hear about their dreams and I loved when they got excited about my dreams.

Im 38. Have lived dangerously… went out to do something BIG with my life… have given my ENTIRE heart and my ENTIRE household to the cause of Christ. When I met Him on February 17, 1991… I found my REASON FOR BEING. I saw visions that would not FADE AWAY… I KNEW beyond all reason, that I was being CALLED to give my life for tomorrows better world.

Over the past 18 years, I have died a thousand deaths to REMAIN in this CALLING.

Every day… and I do mean EVERY DAY, I wake up with ONE GREAT DESIRE… to make a difference for someone else! It’s hard to believe, I know… but I LIVE to see lost and hopeless people find Jesus like I found Him. I LIVE to see the slumbering church awakened… I really believe in life after death… I believe there is a HEAVEN and a HELL… and I want to take SO MANY PEOPLE WITH ME TO HEAVEN.

I know its hard to believe… but I CRY for people when I pray for them. Sometimes, their pains overwhelm me… and I want to do EVERYTHING one man can do to GIVE MY LIFE to Jesus in such a profound way, that MY LIFE can be SPENT for theirs! Kind of like Isaiah did when he heard about Gods burden… I RAISED MY HAND and yelled out, “Here I am GOD, please SEND ME!”

Checking my pulse at 12:48am… laying there with all these thoughts rushing through my mind. I pleaded with God to make the pains go away… to let me live until I could SEE more fruit from my labors. I told him, “Please not yet… not while the dissonance between my dreams and this reality is so VAST!”

I meditated on a few verses from John 15 & 16 I read before bed… “If the world hates you, remember that it hated me before it hated you… do you remember what I told you? A servant is not greater than his master. Since they persecuted me, naturally they will persecute you… this has fulfilled what the scriptures said, they hated me without cause… BUT I WILL SEND YOU THE COUNSELOR-the Spirit of truth… I have told you these things so that you won’t fall away. For you will be expelled from synagogues, and the time is coming when those who kill you will think they are doing God a service.”

So I drifted off to sleep on a wet pillow… asking God for a longer life and a COMMITTED HEART. I prayed for God to remind me always that my labor in the Lord is not in vain. I prayed for God to HELP me fix my obvious flaws so that I will be the GREATER BLESSING I long to be… facing this reality: that the most effective way of accumulating haters is to SET OUT TO HELP.

Today, please honor the purity of this very transparent journal entry by NOT posting a bunch of sympathy comments about how much of a difference I’ve made in your lives. Whereas I find GREAT encouragement in your kind words… that is not the purpose of todays blog.

Instead, I want you to think about what I’m saying and how this impacts your own lives. Think about your own aims and how you too can STAY committed EVEN WHEN IT HURTS. Think about all the times you have been misunderstood… and even hated by people you set out to love. This is a REALITY we must face… and EMBRACE. It is a BIG PART of the CROSS WE ARE CALLED TO CARRY.

Herein is the Love of God APPRECIATED in its fulness… that HE LOVED US and he came to BLESS US even while we raised him up on a cross. I thank God that HE LOVED ME 19 years BEFORE I appreciated that AMAZING love.

We too, must LOVE… many times without reciprocation… for a few years, or NINETEEN YEARS, or MORE. And should we ever feel like I did last night… rejected and lonely and only a FRACTION of what we had hoped to be… we must find our comfort in the Lord. We are never alone!

Here’s an old video from when Jason Upton was at Destiny Family Center the first time… turn it up and let God touch the innermost places of your heart today! God bless you all!