Last night, our pug was sick. She seemed to be improving as we drifted off to sleep. I woke at 3:18am and I laid there with my eyes closed, trying to fall back to sleep for an hour. I heard Ming Me (our Pug) moving around in the covers. I whispered to Emily, “Do you think she’s sick again? Do you think I should take her for a walk?” She said, “No!” irritated that I would bother her. A few minutes later, all hell broke loose…
Twenty more minutes passed and Ming Me crawled her way to the head of the bed. She climbed out of the covers and hurried back down to our feet.
And, it happened.
She turned her puckering rear to the edge of the bed, raised her tail straight up in the air, and LET IT GO… all over the hardwood floors, all over MY clothes dresser, and all the way to the window frame!
It sounded like the squeezing of an empty catchup container.
Finally, Emily realized she should have taken me serious! Her reaction was pretty violent at first, being fully awakened to those unforgettable sounds! She yelled at me, “Hurry up and GET HER OFF THE BED!” Lol.
So I jumped up like a man protecting his family from a midnight burglar. I went around the bed to where she was, never imagining how much worse things could turn out for me.
I reached for the dog and lifted her into the air. I only wanted to take her to the yard before this happened again. But she tried to escape me, and somehow I ended up with her BUTT six inches from my FACE!
In the millisecond it took me to realize what was happening, she exploded again! Seriously, there is no english word to describe what happened to me.
It was HOT and FORCEFUL!
I felt drops landing on my LIPS and TONGUE!
The main stream spattered directly into my right EYEBALL!
It covered my hair like CHOCOLATE STYLING MOOSE!
The SMELL and TASTE made me vomit in my mouth!
I’m not exaggerating!!
Obviously, I dropped the dog and staggered to the nearest sink so I could rinse my contaminated eyeball. But Emily actually yelled at me! “Don’t just PUT HER DOWN! Come ON CHUCK, you are over-reacting!” Emily, “Over-reacting, really?!” Haha.
Wow you guys, it’s going to take us 10 loads of laundry to wash everything she sprayed! We were on our hands a knees for 30 minutes at 4:00am sterilizing our floors, furniture, and walls!
Eventually, after all the clean up, I was permitted to shower. But, the story didn’t end there! No, we didn’t all live happily ever after. I thought there would be peace. But I was wrong!
As I was in the shower and burning up a bar of soap, Emily charged into the bathroom with our Chihuahua in her hands. She said, “Chica needs to take a shower with you, because somehow Ming Me pooped in her face too!” Emily went back to Lucy (our daughter’s Chug), and found that Ming blasted her too.
So, after everything I had just experienced, here I was showing with two dogs as they shredded me with razor sharp teeth and claws.
Then, just when this story could not seem any more exaggerated, the SHOWER HEAD BROKE OFF THE PIPE and water sprayed all over the bathroom!!
Can you believe it? Me neither! But it’s the truth. This was the greatest test of our marriage. Any lesser couple would have been in counseling this afternoon. Lol.
Really, we both handled this crises exceptionally well. There was one point when the reality of what was happening hit us both at the same time, and we laughed so hard we couldn’t catch out breath. Our sides were splitting, and tears were coming out!
Today, we’re both pretty tired. I still have a nasty smell stuck in my nose. Besides that, we have one hilarious story to tell our friends.
This is what real life is about; special MEMORIES with special people. Now that its over, I wouldn’t take it back. I thank God for a wife that makes life fun, even in the dark moments, especially in the dark moments.
The moral to our story is this: When something poops in your face, laugh out loud and say to yourself, “This will make one heck of a story!”
I hope we made you laugh.